![]() ![]() Often I feel like I’m missing something, like others can see things that I don’t, understand things I can’t. I grew up feeling like my opinion was never valid, and the feelings of invalidation and self-doubt are still there – I fear they’ll always be there. Is the fact that I like my art “pretty” rather than expressive a character flaw? This is one of those times when I wish I could be as self-assured as others make themselves out to be, just “I like what I like, whatever”, but I’m not. Not necessarily expressive dancing, or dancing that tugs at my heartstrings and elicits an emotional response – though I do find enjoyment in that too (provided I can actualy understand it) – but just beautiful movements, connected still shots of beautiful poses, as beautiful music plays. I often feel guilty of the fact that I enjoy watching beautiful dancing. Perhaps all I am doing is going through the movements, never really revealing myself in the process (or maybe I am revealing myself, and the truth is that I am a bore, a coward, or both). This is something I enjoy extremely, something I find quite exhilirating.īut still – I guess I’m never satisfied? – I worry that the dances I make are boring. And now, I have improved to the point that it is feasible that I could hear a piece of music and choreograph a short dance to it. I would listen to music and imagine what I would dance to it, if only I was able to. Getting back to discussing performances, back when I first started dancing I wanted badly to choreograph. In short, I think during modern class I mostly do ballet with bad technique (because we’re not corrected on technical stuff as much). There were many times during modern when M Teacher would tell us to walk around while moving our arms and I seriously couldn’t think of anything to do with them besides swan arms. In ballet, the port de bras is more or less codified unless the choreographer says other wise, but modern is so open. In modern class, M Teacher could say to walk and it can mean a number of things – walk facing front or back, leading with your shoulders or pelvis, level up high or down low – you decide. In ballet class, if the teacher says walk, you know it’s a ballet walk. Those times when M Teacher would leave it completely open for us to decide what to do, they were very challenging for me. In modern, it seems there are so many different ways that are all technically correct, and it’s up to me to choose which (and I am one indecisive person). Reason is, in ballet it seems to me that there is the correct way or the wrong way, and all that’s left for me to do is to work towards the correct way. Taking the physical difficulty out of the equation – assuming we’re strong enough to do both equally well – I still believe that modern is much more difficult for me than ballet. I wrote a post last year before comparing the difficulties of the two, but that post just dealt with the physical difficulty, actually doing the steps (and balancing without falling over). Now it’s time for my long-winded explanation of why…īy this point in my dancing experience, I’ve mostly done ballet with a little bit of modern thrown in the mix. At least in my case, but who’s to say that it doesn’t apply to others as well. Reason that this stuck with me is because… I think she’s right. You just hide behind the beautiful movements and don’t reveal any of yourself at all, and that’s not as entertaining.” (Remember I’m paraphrasing the original quote, complete with her method of delivery, was about a million times more awesome) But as you get more advanced, and you have more technique, and there’s more things you can do, you run the risk of being able to hide. I’m paraphrasing somewhat (if I can’t remember a few steps in center combination you think I’m going to remember a whole motivational speech?!), but she said something along the lines of “when you’re a beginner at dance, you have to give more of yourself to make your performance interesting, or fun, because the techinique’s not there, and there’s only you. ![]() It was our end-of-session class performance day (not to be confused with The Show of my previous post) and as the different students presented their short dance pieces, she gave constructive criticism as each finished. There was something F Teacher said the last time I saw her that has stuck with me. ![]()
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